Monday, July 19, 2010

Writing an Elevator Pitch - ProBlogger Challenge Day 1

TASK 1: Elevator Pitch

I loved brainstorming for this one. It really forced me to sit down and think about the true purpose of my blog. I tend to be a bit all over the place sometimes so this type of exercise was just what I needed! I focused on my blogging objective and went from there.

Here is what I came up with for my Short Pitch: The best deals, freebies and products that help women live and look better for less!

What do you think? I liked it so much I added it to my header!

Now for a broader mission statement. This one was a bit trickier. ADD kicked in and my brain didn't want to focus. BUT, I kept at it and here is what I got:

The Pink Crab Blog; Where the goal is to never pay retail again and keep more of your hard earned money.  I want the pink crab to be a blog where reformed shop-oholics, such as myself, can come to find the resources they need to transform their shopping habits into healthy ones.  No longer will we be slaves to the retail industry! At the pink crab, I want women to take control and learn how to stretch that dollar as far as it can go. Spending less does not have to mean getting by with less.

So, what do ya think?

Update: (Reworked Mission Statement)

Lynda from Daily Window suggested I make the changes below. I love it, thanks Lynda!

With The Pink Crab Blog you'll never pay retail again. Transform your shopping habits into healthy ones with other reformed shop-oholics.

Spending less does not mean getting by with less. No longer be a slave to the retail industry! Take control and learn how to stretch that dollar as far as it can go!


Tagline:  The best deals, freebies and products to help women live and look better for less!

Lynda suggested I change my tagline to "helping" instead of "that help", but I thought maybe "to help" sounded better? What do you think?

Here is my shiny new "About" page :)







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16 comments:

Lynda said...

I love your tagline! May I suggest changing "that help" to "helping"?

I think your pitch is really great too, but I have some suggestions.

1. Phrases like "where the goal is" or "I want" are redundant and can be eliminated (which is good since the more concise the pitch is, the better!)
2. Avoid passive voice. "to be", "to find", "to transform" for example. Usually you can rewrite this with less words that will call the reader to action instead.
3. I am tending to find I prefer it when elevator speeches are not in first person. Sometimes it works for me, but usually not.

Based on these suggestions, here's how I'd reword your pitch:

With The Pink Crab Blog you'll never pay retail again. Transform your shopping habits into healthy ones with other reformed shop-oholics.

Spending less does not mean getting by with less. No longer will we be slaves to the retail industry! Take control and learn how to stretch that dollar as far as it can go!


I took out the "hard earned" part only because I thought that point was better made by not being a slave, stretching the dollar, etc.

Good luck in the challenge!

Lynda said...

Oh - and actually, I'd use "No longer be a slave to the retail industry!" instead of what I wrote above.

Again, with the first person. Plus, I think that sentence calls to action more than just makes a statement.

Melissa said...

Thanks Linda! Your suggestions are great and you are right, I like the idea about calling the reader to action! Thank you for stopping by and helping a girl out! :)

Lynda said...

So glad help! I love your changes.

"To help" vs. "Helping" - completely up to you! From a writing standpoint, the active voice (helping) is the way to go. Blogging does not need to be grammatically correct, especially when it's done well, so pick what speaks to you most!

Lynda said...

ROFL. I meant, "So glad I helped." I LOVE doing stuff like that when I'm trying to give grammar info. lol

Melissa said...

lol, thanks again!

Shawna R. B. Atteberry said...

What a wonderful mission! I love it. I'm not a shopaholic, but I love getting deals. I will be definitely be coming back for more.

Lindsey Whitney said...

Great elevator pitch. I read it as soon as I hopped onto the page and it instantly made me want to subscribe!

Melissa said...

Thank you! What wonderful feedback :) Welcome to the Pink Crab!

Al said...

What a great and punchy elevator pitch. I get it straight away. I'm not a shopaholic, but your punchline is making me want to become one :-)

Good luck with the challenge. You are off to a good start.

I would love your feedback at http://www.buzzinternetmarketing.co.uk/where-is-the-buzz-in-your-business-31dbbb/

Take Care

Al

One Girl Ideas said...

I love it!

Melissa said...

Thanks everyone! I appreciate your comments :)

Erin said...

Great pitch - I love your tagline! :]

Peek at My Paper said...

Yes, Yes, Yes! Love it! very catchy and explains your blog in a fun, creative way!
:)
very nice.
thanks for stopping by.
Brenda

Rachael said...

Great job, I love it! I think Lynda gave great feedback, and you did a great job!

C.McKane said...

Yes I like to help. (I mean I do like to help but I meant in your tagline :)

The tagline is great and I'm not much of a shopper but now know where to go when looking for deals!

See you at SITS.